


Quartermaster

by drownoutlove (Sept_Meules)



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Doug is 007, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 12:08:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13099779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sept_Meules/pseuds/drownoutlove
Summary: Dmitri Volodin had been Quartermaster for sometime now. He was newly appointed Q, a week younger than the last 007. But she had become AWOL for a considerably long time, the agency had a replacement within two weeks of formal announcement that the late 007 agent, Isabel Lovelace, had been considered deceased.It’s just annoying that her replacement is more of an idiot than a genius.





	Quartermaster

**Author's Note:**

> So I don't know anything about James Bond except the things I read from the longs lists I read on Pinterest.
> 
> 24/12/17 : Edited the format of the story, it wasn't double spaced or something like that, which was a toxic thing to read. But fixed it!

.

 

 

 

Pop culture references.

The man seems to be full to the brim of them.  
There had been no fail of Agent 007 not to include at least one pop culture reference in every conversation he has.

It has come to the point when the agent has to leave for a mission that Dmitri would rely on his phone to Google whatever timely reference he had made. It wasn’t not enlightening, but it wasn’t not useful either. Though, it did give Dmitri some odd kind of movie recommendation list to watch once he got home to his apartment.

Hera, Dmitri's new young protégé was exponentially better at holding conversations with him. That's why Dmitri would rather have Hera handle 007 during send-offs and missions.  
Except today.

Because Hera just decided to have a stomachache today. Not because of her womanhood, oh no, Dmitri would know. (He has a sister to vaguely understand what it was to have menstruation.) Hera ate some dodgy Chinese food last night and had called in sick that morning.

So that meant Dmitri had to handle today's send-off with the Agency’s finest.  
If Dmitri wanted to push his luck, there was Maxwell, but she has her hands full with another Double-O agent, one who had an affinity for explosions.

“Hey doc.” 

Dmitri looked up from his PC monitor, invested in reading some stem cell article using gums. “Good morning, agent.” He greeted back, voice lower than his usual low. He had to come to work just for this one mission, one he’s usually hand to Hera. Now he swear he was actually still wearing his sleeping shirt than a polo shirt, if the security guard’s odd stare was anything.

The man dug his fists into his pants pockets, smiling at Dmitri sweetly. A smile that reminded anyone why Double-Oh agents would be saved by the sheath of their teeth with a well-placed compliment here and there. “Eiffel would be nice.”

It took Dmitri a second to process that it was his name rather than some Parisian alcohol.

“Coffee would also be nice.” Dmitri commented to himself, hoisting himself up from the warmth of his stool 

Douglas Ferdinand Eiffel was more on charm and luck when the late Isabel Lovelace was intelligence and a rapier tongue. Another nice allegory was that Lovelace was the classroom, while Eiffel was the playground.

Unlike every other Double-O agent in the agency, Eiffel tend to come in simple jeans and a shirt. A Nirvana shirt one time. (Hera bombarded the speakers with two of their songs before upper management had to come down and scold them both.) Whenever 005, Daniel Jacobi has come to Maxwell for “gift giving", he tend to be seen in a beautiful smart suit. It’d be nice to see 007 dressed for the part once in a while.

“Upper management had asked us to prepare gadgets to aid you in mission.” Dmitri internally cringed, saying that was completely unnecessary as that was the only reason why the agents come down to Q branch.

Eiffel nodded, grinning, “Whatcha got for me, Doc?” He takes out his hands and grasped them on the edge of the table, peering down at every single one of the gadgets laid down.

“Upgraded smart watch.” Dmitri takes a rectangular-face watch and hands it to him, only for the man offer his wrist. Dmitri sighs, then puts it on for him. “Aside from usual smart watch applications, you may use high power laser and minute gun to assassinate discreetly.” He locked it around the man’s wrist. He showed him how to access the commands and hit the headless mannequin behind him.

There was a good chance Dmitri could’ve mortally wounded himself, but he knew his gadgets would never go against him. The look of horror on Eiffel's face suggested otherwise.

“Paralysis dart cigarettes.” He announced.

“Now you’re talkin'!” 

Moving on to the steel case, opening it to present three sticks. “Activated by heat, ejects one dart per stick within a minute.” He gave it to Eiffel who instantly plucked one out and placed between his teeth.

He then handed him a black suitcase. “Necessary papers are in there.”

Eiffel nodded.

“Flight to the Philippines will be at midnight. You will rendezvous with Minkowski.” 

 

 

 

Dmitri wasn’t able to go home that night, all night he had to upload necessary data for Eiffel, such as maps safe houses. Once Eiffel landed on the airstrip, Eiffel told him he will get in touch within three hours.

It took a phone call from Minkowski to understand he slept for six when it turned out Eiffel didn’t meet with her. Instead, 007 had gone headfirst to intercept the target. A mission predicted to take up a minimum of two months was finished in three days.

That’s what was great with Double-Oh agents. They were undeniably expendable. They always acted on their own judgement. Maybe that was why Lovelace had made a swan dive to her untimely death.

Hmm.

But Double-Oh agents had sacrificed themselves to death for the betterment of humanity.

Dmitri finds Agent Daniel Jacobi with a cast on his left foot, hovering by Dmitri's table, looking for something.

A simple cough had raked in the man's attention. “What can I help you with, 005?” 

Jacobi faced him with a sheepish exasperated smile, “Sorry, Doc. Was looking for some staple wires. Maxwell’s empty.”

Dmitri took his stapler and gave it to the other.

Jacobi joyfully plucked out the staple wires and held it in his palm, handing back the empty stapler. 

Dmitri eyed his hand, feeling scandalized that he had been practically robbed of staple wires. “What are staple wires for?”

He grinned, “Since I've been momentarily demoted to desk work, M had designated me to make an instructional on how to make a small shrapnel bomb for other agents to recreate whenever they so need.”

Dmitri moved to sit on his stool. He had heard from his subordinates that Jacobi had landed himself in a predicament where he was cornered into a small work cubicle and he had two minutes before he was more holes than meat. He escaped fairly unscathed, the broken ankle was due to a frenzied play of Dance Dance Revolution with Maxwell.

Suddenly, Dmitri felt his phone buzz. Fishing it out of his pants pocket, he unlocked it and saw it there was a text message from 'Eiffel'. This garnered a sour look from Dmitri.

“Oh, he got your phone too, huh?” Jacobi mused. “He's got that weird secret talent of stealing people’s phone and putting his number on it. Even got mine.”

Dmitri only hummed in reply.

“They say its because he grew up in the streets that he tend to pull an Oliver Twist.” Jacobi had turned to hobble away towards Maxwell’s station before Dmitri could come up with a reply.

 

 

 

Dmitri went home expecting two things, a new movie to watch and a possibly injured 007 in sullying his favorite maroon rug. 

Opening his apartment door, he instantly heard the sound of a handgun clicking, ready to fire.

“Hands where I can see 'em!”

Rather than obliging to the command, he dropped his suitcase and his eyes went wide in shock and recognition.

Inside his apartment, greeting him with a gun pointed at his face was Isabel Lovelace. Alive and – wearing a new hairstyle than last he saw her.

This time it was Isabel who became shocked, “Oh my god, Q?”

That was when Eiffel's head popped from the direction of the kitchen. “Oh hey, Doc!” 

 

 

 

.

**Author's Note:**

> I just listened to Volte Face.
> 
> Lol, I'm not emotionally prepared to listen to the last episode of Wolf 359.
> 
> Do comment on what you think! Feedback would be cool!
> 
> Thanks for taking your time to read this! Love you, stanger in the internet!


End file.
